(This is a long one. Bear with me).

Sometimes I feel like a frigging idiot.

It's always discouraging to realize that my values are not shared by most Americans. An in-law actually told me yesterday (as he concluded a rather heated converstion-that he initiated- on the impending Iraq war and whether or not they have weapons of mass destruction [hint: they probably don't]) that I have a "distorted world view" that "places pacifism above world safety." (Of course, he then had the gall to tell Julie afterward that he "felt attacked" by my comments, as if simply disagreeing with someone amounts to an attack on their person- but I digress).

It's really easy to question your own beliefs when you end up swimming upstream on the river of consensus most of the time. Far more often than I would like, I find myself thinking "Shit, nobody else thinks this way. What if I'm the wrong one?"

Then, I think about Mohandas Gandhi.

I was introduced to Gandhi a couple of years ago through reading Tolstoy's wonderful book The Kingdom Of God Is Within You, which has become one of the writings that has had the most influence on me, ever. In the foreward, the editor of TKOGIWY mentions that this book was a singular influence on Gandhi, as well. Now, I was broadly familiar with the Big G, but had never read an autobiography or any of his writings. So, I found a copy of The Essential Gandhi, a biography compiled from Gandhi's writings by Louis Fischer, at a used bookstore... and was blown away.

In the foreward to Prayers of Gandhi, someone calls Gandhi "the most indispensible person of the twentieth century." I'd be inclined to agree. This man managed to free his nation from English rule without a single gun or bomb, using only nonviolent direct action, an appeal to people's better natures... and love. His writing is brilliant, and the man had a deep capacity for compassion and spirituality that few of us possess, but that all of us should strive for. Through his love for humanity, he managed to become one of the most profoundly influential men of his time.

He also spent a lot of time in prison (for agitating against the British government), and engaged in hunger strikes on a regular basis. In short, the man did not have a comfortable life. So I feel humbled when I think of Gandhi's sacrifices as he strove to bring his vision into reality. Would I ever be willing to risk as much?

Of course, today's India is a nuclear power that is ruled by the fundamentalist BJP party (the political descendants of those who assassinated Gandhi). Here in the US (despite the influence of Gandhi's spiritual heirs such as MLK), we are governed by a man who claims Jesus Christ as his favorite philosopher, while ignoring that man's revolutionary message of peace (you know, "resist not evil," "you can't serve God and Mammon," "turn the other cheek"... that stuff). Consumerism is more valued than compassion, and profits more than people. Our bombs and economic sanctions kill indiscriminately on a wide scale, we're poisoning the Earth with our SUVs, and yet we wonder why, on a global scale, we're less popular than Rosanne Arnold at a San Diego Padres game.

It's easy to get discouraged. But hell, it took a couple of centuries for Jesus' message to catch on. Hopefully, even though it may take a while, Gandhi's day will arrive as well.

I'm in Inverness, FL now, with Julie and virtually every member of her family.

Two exchanges from tonight's dinner:

JULIE: These burritos taste great, Jeff, but why don't you try making them with corn next time?
JEFF: But then Matthew couldn't eat them. He's allergic to porn.

(JULIE'S uncle TOM is eating a plate of veggies which includes ginger)
JULIE (to JEFF): Have you ever eaten ginger?
CHRIS (interrupting): I haven't. However, there was that one time with Mary Ann...

I am now officially in hibernation mode.

I slept in until 12:30 yesterday, only getting up to go to a show choir performance. I also napped for several hours this afternoon, and plan on dozing away most of Christmas Eve. I think Americans are really missing out by not having a designated siesta time in the middle of the day.

Well, the South Beach Chorus concerts are over (and kicked ass), and the winter concert at the high school is over (and kicked ass), so now I kind of have a life. Gigs on Thursday and Friday night with the show choir (and after the Friday concert I rush over to the Lyric for David Leddick's cabaret show), and Saturday afternoon and evening. After that, it's church gigs through Xmas Eve, than a journey to Central FL to visit the in-laws.

Well, the official unemployment rate has hit 6%.

Thanks, compassionate conservatives.

You cocks.

(One mitigating factor: Paul O'Neill, treasury secretary, was forced to resign. That means the unemployment rate in the 14-member Cabinet is about 7.14%)

I suck at updating.

November was cool as hell. The Red Elvises and Rainer Maria came to town within a couple of days of each other, and both shows were great. At the Elvises show, I wound up in a conversation with some awesome Buddhist guy in his fifties (who claimed to know Alan Ginsberg and Ken Kesey) that was quite illuminating. The RM show was crazy; LA band Rilo Kiley opened, and their guitarist's strap kept falling off in the middle of his solos. After the fourth time, he said "I'm sorry. This is so unprofessional. This would never have happened to Jimmy Eat World." They rock, by the way. Rainer Maria was incredible, as always.

I've been playing The Sims a lot. Among my families, I've got the obligatory lesbian couple, Shaft (can you dig it?), Henry David Thoreau, and a whole house populated by characters from the movies of Kevin Smith.

December is gonna be rough. My HS show choir has a major competition on the 8th, the SoBe Men's Chorus has tech week starting on the 9th and gigs on the 13th and 14th, all my HS groups have their winter concert on the 17th, and I have a number of show choir performances and church gigs that will keep me busy until midnight on the 24th. I had an offer to fly out to CA and conduct Handel's Messiah in San Diego on the 15th (in a combined choral performance including my old choir at Vista La Mesa Christian Church), but had to turn it down. Maybe another time.

Sleepy-tired. Must rest.